Anxiety

It’s sometimes not visible.

Me. it’s a facade.

I am not an expert on mental health nor am I a medical expert. But over the past months, I have experienced what seems to be an odd feeling. It comes when I’m trying to relax and it disappears when my brain’s occupied.

I think it’s called anxiety. I am not sure, not great at labeling feelings. But my symptoms seem to align bizarrely with the definition of the concept, anxiety.

I am usually a very bold chap when I want to be, but sometimes, I cower. I have single-handedly killed a serpent — don't worry it was legal in the jurisdiction I was in — I have found myself face dark periods in my life without crashing with that phase.

I have received compliments like, ‘you have great people’s skill’, ‘wow! you're so confident. I am very bold on the outside but it’s a facade, a facade I think most people put up.

But as a really conscious bloke, I don’t know why I am afraid of humans. I try to call myself a misanthrope but it just doesn't perfectly define what I feel.

You know that feeling when you are in a social gathering you’ve forced yourself to be in, and you try and you make an effort to socialize but you feel yourself drifting away slowly while everyone’s having a good time. It feels like they’ve got some kind of manual on how to socialize like I didn’t get the memo.

Then I start to feel useless, I don’t necessarily fidget. Anxiety sometimes can be invincible, how do you guys do it?